Nemeses: Dunga

In this week's edition of Nemeses, I bring to you the story of Dunga.  

A little background on the man:  As the former captain of Brazil's national side, Dunga and the Selecao have a long history together.  He led them to victory in the 1994 World Cup, as well as the 1998 finals loss to France.

Known for his strange decisions, thuggish play and ability to hold a grudge, trust me, he's as shitty as his name sounds.

Despicable Dunga 0.2 - Personal Vendetta

Dunga was on the team that knocked the US out of World Cup 1994.  While Leonardo was the asshole who nearly ruined Tab Ramos's career, I pretty much hold anyone who was on the field at the time for Brazil as responsible.  Well, except for Taffarel.  He's a lovable buffoon.

Despicable Dunga 1.0 - Ain't Easy

"A good pimp is always alone. You gotta always be a puzzle, a mystery to them. That's how you hold a whore." - Iceberg Slim, Pimp: The Story of My Life

Dunga is pimp in the classic sense of the of the world.

As the manager of Brazil's national team, he wields the kind of power where he can be a complete ass, and yet, his country's players, fans and media will always treat him with a certain amount of respect.  They may hate him, they may want nothing to do with him, but somehow, they're stuck.

Over the course of qualifying for the 2010 tournament, Dunga strung along several high-level players (Adriano, Pato, and Ronaldinho) while completely ignoring the red hot Santos duo of Paolo Henrique Ganso and Neymar, despite roughly 200 million Brazilians calling for their inclusion.

Instead, his squad has literally the most boring midfield in Brazil's history (I'm looking DIRECTLY at you, Melo) and features an attacking cadre of players milquetoast enough to make Ronaldo lose his appetite.  He's opting for substance over style, molding a team in his preferred, defensive image as opposed to playing the most Brazilian style, fielding the most talent, a team that's actually best for the country.

The thing is, Dunga doesn't care.  He leans against the hood of his El Camino, tenderly stroking the Brazilian public's face, telling them that he only hurts them because he loves them.  Don't the understand?   He has to hit them.  They force him to.  Because they don't know how to act right.  They don't know what's good for them.

Despicable Dunga 2.1 - Hold It


In one of the above paragraphs, I mentioned how Dunga didn't include Ronaldinho in his final squad for South Africa.  Despite a huge resurgence in form, tallying 15 goals and 16 assists for AC Milan this year.  Despite being World Player of the Year TWICE.  Despite being one of the most marketable players in the world, sure to bring fans from other countries to root for Brazil.  He wouldn't even have to start him.  Imagine have Ronaldinho as a SUB.  Jesus.  When Dunga was included in the 1998 World Cup squad, he was playing in FUCKING JAPAN, yet, somehow, playing out of your mind in Serie A isn't good enough.

Watch the following video to see (what I think is) one of the factors in Dunga's ridiculous omission of Ronaldinho Guacho from the Brazil roster.



When The Dinho was getting started in Brazil, plying his trade for Gremio, Dunga was finishing up his career at Internacional, rival teams that absolutely HATE each other.  In one of the derbies between the two sides, Ronaldinho absolutely embarrassed Dunga.  Twice.

You can't tell me Dunga doesn't remember how it felt to get abused by the (then) 20 year old Ronaldinho.  There's at least a little bad blood as a result of that history, if not a lot.

Despicable Dunga 3.0 - Born to Be Kings

This may seem silly to you, but Dunga looks exactly like Cristopher Lambert, better know as The Highlander, and that pisses me off.

How dare he?  I mean, really.  It's just offensive.  I freaking love "The Highlander."  It's one of my favorite (bad but awesome) movies.  And he's RUINING it.

The NUMBER ONE RULE of "The Highlander" is that THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.

Despicable Dunga - Endgame


Even if you're not Brazilian, I think most of the world would agree that they're really fun to watch.  Well, thanks for ending that long tradition, Dunga.  Thanks a million.

You A-Hole.

-ZGS