Let's face it: Being milquetoast is some countries' bread and butter. God, I'm hungry. Hold on a second while I think of other delicious milquey foods.
Milk Steak from dalboz on Vimeo.
Oh, Charlie. You're so silly.
Anyway, just because a country pretends to be all nice and kind and progressive and BORING, doesn't mean that's their true nature. If you look deeper, you'll often see quite the opposite.
You're up, Denmark. Time to pay the piper.
WHY I HATE YOUR TEAM - DENMARK EDITION
1) Your nickname ENCOURAGES a particular brand of railraod-centric-Wild-West TERRORISM. Dynamite once existed solely for the use of cowboy robber gangs in rollicking train heists. Do you really want to bring that back?
2) Just because you use alliteration doesn't mean you're clever. I know plenty of youth teams with names like Purple Panthers and Red Raiders. Calling yourselves Danish Dynamite is Terribly Trite.
3) What does dynamite have to do with Denmark, anyway? Nothing. Look, I get the inference you're going for, but it's actually not true. Even in your heyday, you were consistently outclassed by your Total Football neighbors in the offensive department. I don't like being lied to.
The majority of your land mass touches Germany, and as such, the majority of your bullshit excuses hold no water with me. There is no amount of ethnographic study that can convince me otherwise. At best, you're Scandinavi-ish.
But what about your players? I've got some news for you: They're a bunch of bitches.
Same goes for your output with the Danish national team. 11 goals in 32 games sounds like a decent strike rate, but tallying 7 of your goals against the likes of Iceland, Northern Ireland and Albania doesn't really get my juices flowing, if you catch my erection/drift.
Add your impotence on the field to the fact that you're one of those TERRIBLE Europeans who thinks he's the definition of Hip-Hop, and I'm actually pretty sure you're more of a douche than Agger. Give it up. You were born in Copenhagen, which may have some poorer areas, but isn't exactly South Central.
Denmark, I hope you blow up at the tournament this summer. Blow up like the Challenger.