Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Day Twelve Wrap Up.

I have a bit of advice for all the teams that played today.


South Africa:  I still love you.  You played hard, you played well at times, and even when you lost 3-0, I don't feel like you ever came close to embarrassing yourselves, like so many people said you would.  While winning 2-1 against France didn't end up being enough, 4 points from a tough group is nothing to be ashamed of.  Hopefully, this tournament has served as a stage from which many of your players can vault to better leagues.  This was your current crop of players' first real taste at the big time, and I hope it's not their last.  Be well, Bafana Bafana.  We'll always have this moment.

France:  Change everything.  Every single little thing.  Change your coach, change your players, change your address, change your name.  Oh, and change your fucking diaper.  Bitches.


Mexico:  The fact that you advanced may piss me off, but there's nothing I can do about that, now is there?  If I'm being honest, G2Santos has been one of the better players I've seen this tournament.  That said, I have no other nice things to tell you.  I'm glad you lost this game, and I'll be even happier when you lose your next one.  I can't wait to point at you and laugh.

Uruguay:  It's difficult to know what to expect from your beyond this point.  I mean, how good are you, really?  I know that Diego Forlan has talent.  He's been behind every goal you've scored, so far.  As long as he keeps getting the ball at his feet, I think you'll do fine.  I mean, I have to believe you'll do well in your match-up next round.  After that, though?  Things get iffy.  Unless you run into the US or Ghana, I'll be rooting for you, Le Celeste.  I really will.  Rest and relax.  Have some fun.  You deserve it.


Greece:  At least your facial hair looked good.  I'm still mad at you for beating Nigeria, by the way.  I probably won't ever forgive you.  Not that you care, you dicks.  When you go home to Greece, I would suggest you give up your lives to righting your country's economy.  If you get any extra money for playing in the World Cup, give it to some of those Albanian kids who tried to steal my wallet back in the summer of '95.  They looked hungry.

Argentina:  Man, you've actually been fun to watch.  It's obvious that your team is united.  Begrudgingly, I will admit that most of that is due to the infectious enthusiasm of your coach.  If I had to choose one thing you could improve upon, I would have to say that its playing Diego Milito.  I promise you:  put him in a big game and you'll reap the rewards.  Please beat Mexico 6-0 in your next match.  Please, please, please, PLEASE.


Nigeria:  Almost.  So.  Fucking.  Close.  It turns out that going down to ten men in the second game really killed you.  If you'd managed to beat Greece, you'd be on to the next round.  But you played bravely, this game.  You came back from a two goal swing and had a couple of good chances to win it in the final minutes.  Hold your heads high, Nigeria.  Oh, and please don't kill that one dude who fucked up and got the red card.  We don't need another Escobar situation on our hands.

South Korea:  Well played, SorKor.  It wasn't an easy game for you, and I appluad your grit in sticking with your guns and not giving in.  All in all, you've had a decent tournament.  Some ups and downs, but you've kept your head up and made your way through to the second round on a win and a 2-2 tie.  You're probably going to lose to Uruguay, but you've acquitted yourselves from the cries of nepotism and match-fixing that have followed you ever since 2002.  Congratulations.  You're deserving of respect.


U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!


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