5-7-5 Formation.

Get ready for one big gimmick.  No, I'm not talking about Branson.

WHY I HATE YOUR TEAM - JAPAN EDITION



--Coaching--

Your coach is well known
on your archipelago.
Elsewhere, he is not.

Okada guided
the Samurai to easy
qualification.

Now, he claims that they
will reach the semi-finals.
Does anyone else?

My sources say no,
but stranger things have happened.
(I still don't believe.)

--Players--

Brave Nakamura
is your most famous player,
though he's getting old.

In his prime, no one
could take a better set piece,
not even Beckham.

His skillful left foot
was Japan's ambassador
to Scotland, the world.

But those times are past.
A shell of your former self,
failure is your fate.

Keisuke Honda
is your chosen successor
in center midfield.

He dyes his hair blonde,
which somehow doesn't look bad.
I hate him for that.

The hype around you
is less deserved than you think.
You scored one "good" goal.

I just feel sorry
for striker Morimoto
and his fetus face.

Using haiku form
to make fun of your players
is quite difficult.

I feel so constrained,
like my vitriol can't flow.
What am I doing?

--Country--

I shall push onward.
In the most basic of terms,
your country is dumb.

Samurai movies
are much worse than Kung Fu films,
film classes be damned.

My older brother
went to your country and brought
back some shitty gifts.

When I go to a
Japanese steak house, there is
barely any steak.

You make too many
robots that look like people
and sometimes babies.

--Fate--

Your last tournament
outing ended in failure,
just like this one will.

Group E is too tough.
Cameroon will destroy you.
Denmark will end you.

Pretty much, you suck.
Not just at life, at soccer.
You don't have a chance.

-ZGS