Day Nine Wrap Up.

Hey World Cup teams:  I wrote you some letters!



GAME ONE

Dear Netherlands:

Is it Netherlands or The Netherlands?  I can never remember.

Please score more goals.  If you are confused as to how you can do this, I would suggest not letting Affelay shoot the ball, because, as you may have noticed, he missed two decent chances in your game today.

That said, you are not playing well.  It makes me mad.  You may still be winning, but you're not exactly doing it with style.  1-0 is not an acceptable scoreline.

Yours,

ZGS

Dear Japan:

What's the deal with never playing Morimoto?  And what's the deal with defending so much?

You had such a great chance to punish the Dutch for being lackadaisical at the end of the game, but you botched it, kind of like how your goalkeeper botched his read on Sneijder's shot that ended up scoring.

With Cameroon out of contention, you have to beat Denmark in your last game.  Denmark is BOOOOORING.

Love,

Zach

GAME TWO

Dear Australia:

Was it just that you were playing Ghana, or did you actually get better at soccer?

Now, your goal was kind of lucky, but I won't dwell on it.  Harry Kewell's red card sucked and I'm sure he didn't mean to do it, but it was the correct call, nonetheless.  If you handle the ball and it prevents a goal, you will be red carded, regardless of intent.

Pulling out a tie with ten men is a pretty nifty feat.  If things go well for you on the last day, you could actually qualify for the knock-out stage.  If you beat Serbia and Ghana beats Germany, you would advance, solidifying your place as the comeback story of 2010.

Sincerely,

ZGS

Dear Ghana:

Oh my god, come on.  This "only scoring on penalties" shit is getting mad boring.

You came back from being down a goal, which is cool, but after you went up a man, Australia straight outplayed you.  It was embarrassing.  You should have won that game, but instead, you almost lost it.  Tighten up your defense, idiots.

I'm still rooting for you.  You're in the unenviable position of having to win a point against the Germans in the final game  If you don't, you probably won't move on.  Consider yourselves warned.

Condolences,

Zach

GAME THREE

Dear Cameroon:

You're done, son.  Sorry to see you go.  I was rooting for you.

The ball is round.  Sometimes it doesn't bounce your way.  It certainly didn't today.  Hopefully, I'll see you again in 2014.  Better luck next time.

The Eto'o era has ended.  I wonder who will be next.

Always,

ZGS

Dear Denmark:

At least you're making things interesting.  I'm not so sure you deserved to win today, but you know what?  That's how things go, sometimes.

Your second goal was quite nice.  I'll give you that.  Rommendommedal (sp?) used a nifty little change of pace to create something out of a difficult angle.  Good for him.

It all comes down to your last game against Japan.  You have to win, or you won't go through.  Japan has you on goal-difference.  Such is your task, a-holes.  I can't say I don't want to see you fail.

Regards,

Zach

PREVIEW


Slovakia lose to Paraguay 1-3.

Italy beats Nude Zealand 1-0.

Ivory Coast BEATS Brazil 2-1.

Yeah.

-ZGS