Ask an African!

Which of these people do you racists think is named Lusu?

Have you ever noticed how, when a white public figure is accused of racism, their first response is to say something along the lines of "How can I be racist?  I have good friends that are black."  What they actually mean is "one friend," if by "friend," they meant "person I met at a business function, once."

This next piece is probably going to come across like my version of this time-honored Caucasian-American tradition.  Oh well.

ASK AN AFRICAN!

Interview conducted via email.  Additional commentary in parens.


1)  State the long version of your first name, in order to establish your credibility as an African.

Lusungu (Ms. Jackson, if you nasty.)

2)  Where are you originally from and when did you come to the United States?

Malawi, Africa.  Mzimba District - that is in the north.  Tumbuka land.  (To be fair, you could have just made up a bunch of words and I still would have believed you.)

3)  Since Malawi didn't qualify, who are you rooting for at this summer's tournament?

First, any African team, then USA.

(This is a fair response, if a little disappointing.  There are six teams that qualified from CAF, which means USA is your seventh choice.  Whatever, I'll take it.)

4)  What's the deal with Madagascar?

It's an Island of the Eastern Coast of Africa and they have good food.

(God, I want some Cuisine de Madagascar.  However, don't sell yourself short, because you can cook.  So can your mom, or so you tell me.)

5)  What do you think the US needs to do in order to stop being such a boring team?  

They need Freddie Adu - that is the African speaking in me.  They need to naturalize Xavi and Iniesta.

(I totally agree with you on this one.  I think that Adu would have been a much more explosive option than Beasley, than Findley, even.  As far as stealing Spanish players, if you can hook that up, please do.  PLEASE DO.)

6)  You're an excellent goalkeeper.  Who's your favorite professional goalie? 

I would have to say Tim Howard cause he is a hard working Keeper and I love his personal story.  The biracial-thing is big right now.  Obama.

(Actually, bi-racial is out.  Tri-racial is the new ish.)    

7) Bob Bradley and Kinnah Phiri (that's Malawi's coach, for all you white people out there wondering) both ask you to play for their respective national teams.  Which do you pick?

Malawi, of course.  I respect Kinnah Phiri way more than Bradley.  Kinnah was my childhood hero.  Every Malawian who plays soccer pretends to be Kinnah Phiri when playing soccer.  He is a national treasure, a living legend only to the eyes of Malawians and a few South Africans who enjoyed his game when he played there.

(You respect Phiri and I respect your opinion.)

8)  Does South Africa have a chance in hell of advancing from their group?  

Unfortunately no.  My prediction is France and Uruguay.  (Realism = BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.)

9)  Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?  

No clue but I looked it up for you.  Its a kids game.

(It's more than a game, it's a way of life.  Think about how awesome it was, for a second.  The lady was a Master Thief.  She could steal things like the Eiffel Tower.  Amazing.  Plus, Where in the World is Carmen San Diego spawned Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego.  Anything involving time travel tends to get my stamp of approval.)

10)  True or false:  Slovenia is a real country.  

In defense of small countries, TRUE.

(In defense of truth, FALSE.)