Day Seventeen Wrap Up.

This is my 100th entry.  I find that to be kind of ridiculous.  Anyway.

Shock!  Controversy!  Fate!  Exclamations!  Feigned interest!


GAME ONE


I did not wake up to watch this game.  I didn't really want to, either.  After the US was knocked out yesterday, it's been hard for me to muster the energy to be interested in soccer for the next few days.  I feel the same as if I was listening to a friend of a friend at a party tell a story about her sister's wedding; there's a lot of feigned eye contact and nodding, but I'm really staring at the food table, plotting my next appetizer-sized-Dixie-plateful.  I don't care about England v Germany just like I don't care about your sister's dress.  Just.  Shut.  Up.

Apparently, some stuff happened, though.  When I finally got around to watching the match, I learned the following four things:

1)  England's goalkeeper, David James, made a mistake on each of Germany's goals (of which there were four).

2)  England did get screwed out of a game tying goal and I'm enough of an armchair physicist to agree that there's no way of telling what would have happened after that.

3)  Thomas Mueller is skinny and Germany counter attacks better than anyone else at the tournament.

4)  Wayne Rooney was, once again, a complete waste of space.  He's been under too much pressure this entire tournament.  Ultimately, I'm pretty sure that I'll feel sympathy for my balding compatriot, but right now, in this moment, I think his failure is FUCKING HILARIOUS.

The game ended 4-1 and that's the way it goes.  Germany won and celebrated robotically.  England will complain and point fingers for the next two years, at least.  Maybe 100.  Whatever.  Like I said before, I really could care less.

GAME TWO

Depending on who you ask, Carlos Tevez scored twice afternoon.  His first goal of the game was clearly offsides, but the referees counted it, anyway.  Cue cries of terror and conspiracy.  I suppose I'm supposed to write about Soccer and Sepp Blatter (WORST NAME EVER) and FIFA and Replay Technology now.  But that bores me.  Click on this link if you want to hear what someone else wrote that I will now pass off as my opinion.  LAZINESS!!!!

Tevez's non-goal aside, Argentina still took Mexico to the school-place.  Not by as many goals as I would have liked, mind you, but by enough to make it out of the question who was the better team on the field.  To make up for his fake-score to open the game, Tevez's second goal was FUCKING FANTASTIC.  If you haven't seen it, do.  ESPN's game highlights can be found here.  Watch the LAZERBOLT.  Revel in its glory.  I know I will.

Mexico, if you're still sad about losing, I know a good book you can read.  It's called "Buenas Noches, Luna."  In case you're confused, Marquez es la senora viejo y Blanco es la vaca salta sobre la luna.  It's a motherfuckingmetaphor.

See ya.  Wouldn't quiera ser ustedes.

-ZGS