Day Nineteen Wrap Up.

The picture you see to our right is a visual reference for how likely I am to talk about each of the countries that played yesterday.  Is it fair to skew my coverage as such?  Probably not.  Am I going to do it anyway?  You betcha.

The crux of the issue is this:  I'm lazy and you're all just going to have to deal with it.


GAME ONE - Paraguay vs Japan.


Alright, let's get this out of the way.  Paraguay's Boob Girl is all over the place.  I know I talk about gay shit a lot on this blog, so this one's for the rest of you.  I hereby present:

A Bunch of Pictures of Paraguay Boob Girl

Note the position of her cell phone.  Pockets are NOT an option.

I know at least 6 guys off hand that would like to sniff that flag, now.

She's quite passionate, isn't she?

Is it any coincidence that she gets to sit in the front?

Boobs.  Also, boobs.

Paraguay and its fantazzztic breasts beat Japan in a shootout after a 0-0 tie.  It was exciting.  There was probably some shivering.  Use you filthy fucking imaginations.

GAME TWO:  Spain vs Portugal.

Realistically, there were only five things that happened during this game.

1)  Portugal playing defense.  This happened 61% of the time.

2)  Spain passing the ball around.  This also happened 61% of the time.

3)  CRonaldo not passing the ball to his teammates.  This happened every time he touched it.  It was sad.  He also flopped a lot, but I won't track that stat here.

4)  David Villa sitting on the extreme left of the field in acres of space.  This happened about 40% of the time.  To be clear, another 10% of the game, he had the ball at his feet.

5)  David Villa being offsides and then scoring.  This happened 0.0111% of the time.

So, yeah, the goal.  The goal?  The goal.

The goal was offsides, which makes me kind of sad, but not in such an egregious a fashion that I'll never be able to get over it.  Ok.  I'm over it.  As Villa was running through the back line, Xavi took the SLIGHTEST of touches on the ball, which is where the controversy comes from.  I missed it the first two time I watched the goal.  It was that fast and slight.  I only saw it on the third instant replay.  So, I can understand why the refs didn't catch it.  Does that make it right?  No, not really.  

My reasoning for not getting super upset about the botched call is this:  If anything, Xavi touching the ball made it more difficult for Villa to control it properly.  It's not like it actually gave them a serious advantage (other than, you know, making it an offsides situation).  The Soul-Patched One took two stabs to put it in, and the rest is history.

Portugal, let's face it.  You were mad boring.  And I'm not just saying that because I instinctively hate you.  I'm saying it because it's true.  You bunkered your defense, you didn't play Deco, you went for ties, you smelled of hair product, you looked like prissy idiots.  Even if Spain's goal was illegitimate, you kind of had it coming.

Spain, play better.  Please.  I need you to win this thing.  Super please.

-ZGS