As the Final approaches on Sunday, it's time for an interview round-up. We'll be hearing from each of our World Cup correspondents ONE LAST TIME in a segment I toyed with calling The Final Solution, but that's just WRONG.
I sent each of my blog-helpers the same ten-questionnaire, through which I hope to discover the true essence of World Cup 2010. That, or this is a lazy, literary gimmick.
KEPH: THE ULTIMATE INTERVIEW
All questions asked via email. Additional commentary in parens.
1) The Finals are set. Are you happy?
No! I wanted to see Ghana in the finals. And the Cup is coming to a close, which makes me melancholy. I lament the vuvuzelas, wings of the swarm still droning, but away this time.
(After the US lost, which, I understand you aren't as broken up about as I am, I was seriously rooting for the Ghanaians, and not just because of the three vowel palindrome embedded in their name. Now, don't get me wrong, I would have done EXACTLY what Luis Suarez did in a game of that magnitude, but ye gods, when Gyan missed the resulting penalty from the desperate handball, a little part of me died. Not as much of me as when the US got knocked out, but I'm trying to paint a picture in which I actually cared, which, for the record, I did. I swear, I did.)
2) What's the best thing you've Ronaldoed while watching a game?
Doesn't your mother read this?
(AND HOW!)
3) I've talked a lot on this blog about vampires and other creatures of the night. Who's your vote for best monster at the World Cup?
4) Tell me one thing you've learned about South Africa thanks to this tournament.
How to pronounce Mangaung.
(THAT MEANS "PLACE OF CHEETAHS!?!?!?!?!??" HOLYFUCKINGSHIT!)
5) Out of the four remaining captains in the Final and Consolation match, who would win in a fight: Diego Lugano, Giovanni van Broknckhorst, Philip Lahm or Iker Casillas?
Philip Lahm's eybrows take all.
(This is a fair argument. First, they're mad distracting. Second, they're probably very rough. Third, I bet the detach and work like brass knuckles. Fourth, well, you get the idea.)
6) Which team's exit from the tournament made you laugh the most?
Canada. Oh wait...
(In case you haven't caught on, fair reader, Keph is Canadian. Yes, that is weird. No, I cannot change it. Yes, I want to.)
7) Compare the USMNT's performance in South Africa to dining at a chain restaurant.
Watching the USMNT play is like eating at Panda Express: I'm hungry again in half an hour.
(At first, I wanted to say that this answer was RACIST, but after thinking about it for a second, I'll allow it. Besides, Panda Express is probably owned by a bunch o' white dudes. Wait... nope. It's totally not.)
8) Which player was the biggest disappointment at the World Cup?
That is SO mean.
(Why is this a huge surprise to you? This question is way tamer than the time I wrote this. Or this. Or this. Etc.)
9) Make up a curse word I can shout during the Final on Sunday.
Maradonna!
(You got that right. He's either a curse or a blessing.)
10) We've all learned a lot over the course of the past month. Final question. True or false: Slovenia is a real country.
FALSE! Even my Slovenian friend Nikki knows that.
(Boom. Roasted.)
Sidenote: If you ever find yourself wanting to read about the more serious side of South Africa as it relates to soccer, class, gender and sexuality, check out Keph's blog Personal S.A. It's totally worth your time.
No comments:
Post a Comment