Did I mention that the tournament is almost over? In anticipation of the Final, I will now reveal my picks for the Best Eleven of the tournament.
Enyeama
Ramos Pique Lugano Pantsil
Kuyt Sneijder Xavi Mueller
Forlan Villa
Your list is probably different than mine, but that's only because you're really stupid. Let's do some justification.
I can think of quite a few goalkeepers who made big saves this tournament, but I cannot think of a single other keeper who kept his team in games the way Enyeama did. This dude is a beast. I know he's not established and I know his team didn't make it out of the first round, but I dare you to watch game tape of him from this summer and not feel a SLIGHT desire to have little brown babies with this man, if only for the fact that they'd be half as good of a keeper as he is.
Honorable Mentions: Eduardo (Portugal) and Skeletonburg (Netherlands).
Everybody back up off Maicon's dick for a second and think about it: Who's the only defender you've seen this tournament who, in a single game, almost gave away AND earned a penalty over the course of 20 minutes? In today's modern game, the right back needs to play box to box, and nobody embodies this more than Sergio Ramos. During this tournament, I've heard a lot of people complaining about how he's constantly on the attack and never plays defense, but that's just some BULLSHIT. Ramos is pretty much the only attacking back in the game who's still an incredible defender. Maicon is a glorified winger. Believe that.
Honorable Mentions: Maicon (Brazil) and Cherundolo (USA).
At first glance, Pique is the quintessential central defender--he's big, he's fast, he's physical--which would totally be enough for him to deserve this designation. But if you look again, you suddenly realize there's more. So lanky. So surprisingly slick on the ball. So goofy. So tough. Pique S-T-rong on the ball. He does not waste touches. He distributes well, he dribbles well, he has great close control. And, when he goes forward, he makes things happen. Plus, do you remember how much he bled on the field for his team this year? I'm not using an idiom here; he literally bled on the field like five times. Crazy.
Honorable Mentions: Carlos Puyol (Spain) and Johnathon Mensah (Ghana).
Does anyone out there in Internetland really think it's a coincidence that Uruguay's first game without their captain, Lugano, was the same game that they suddenly let in three goals? Yeah. Me neither. While Pique is surprisingly skilled for a big center back, Lugano is kind of the opposite, a gritty, no-nonsense player, willing to do whatever he can to keep the other team off the score-sheet. Oh, and he's up there for best aerial player in the tournament, as well. The semi-final against Holland might have ended quite differently if Lugano wasn't injured. He's that good and he's that inspirational.
Honorable Mentions: Ryan Nelson (New Zealand) and Juan (Brazil).
Pantsil is an understated player. He's not flashy, he's not brutish and he's not loud. He's quite the opposite: He's CLASSY. JP pretty much started every passing movement the Ghanaians have ever orchestrated. The next time you watch Ghana play, make note of the way their back line works the ball to the his side so Pantsil can make an incisive pass through or over the midfield. He doesn't go forward TOO much; he goes just the right amount. He provides excellent service on longer crosses. He also shuts forwards down off the dribble. He's fast, he's rational and he knows how to move his feet. I know that, technically, he's a right back, but I don't give a fuck. I'm starting him on the left because I think he deserves it after the kind of tournament he had.
Honorable Mentions: Giovanni van Bronckhorst (Netherlands) and Joan Capdevilla (Spain).
If you SERIOUSLY thought I was going to pick Arjen Robben for this spot, you're a complete moron. If you had a feeling I was going to choose Landon Donovan, you were this close to being right. Instead, I'm giving the nod to the ultimate midfield dynamo, Dirk Kuyt. I may have considered handing this out to Park Ji Sung if he'd made it further into the tournament, but alas and alack, he did not. You may be saying to yourself "But Kuyt doesn't even play right mid." THE FUCK HE DOESN'T?!?!?!?!?! Kuyt can play ANYWHERE. He's on the left, he's on the right, he's up top, he's playing goalie, he doesn't care. He scores, he assists, he RUNSRUNSRUNSRUNSRUNS all over the place. He's the living embodiment of Dirty Work.
Honorable Mentions: Landon Donovan (USA) and Park Ji Sung (South Korea).
Dude can ball. Controls the game. Sick passes. Sick hair. If you really need me to explain this to you, I'm not sure we can be friends anymore. He's the gravitational center of Spain's universe. Almost every goal scored by a Spanish player can probably be traced back to Xavi within three steps. We all should worship at his altar. In the words of me trying to sound like I'm down, DAT BOY GOOOOD.
Honorable Mentions: Mesut Ozil (Germany) and Michael Bradley (USA).
Just the other day I told you I thought he was secretly the best player in the world right now. Of course he made the list. Sneijder is such a good player I finally decided to learn how to spell his stupid J-laden name. He's the fulcrum of the Dutch offense. He originally wrote the Sermon on the Mount. He can't stop scoring goals in big games. He looks like an ugly Freddie Ljungberg. He plays like he owns the world. Need I say more? I hope not.
Honorable Mentions: Kevin Prince-Boateng (Ghana) and Lionel Messi (Argentina).
Honestly, it's a little hard to tell if Mueller is a forward or a midfielder, but barring the sudden presence of Andre Arshavin in South Africa, I'm going to place Mueller in an attacking role on the left of the pitch. We'll just call him a mid because it makes our team sheet look cool. Kinda slanty. In an earlier post, I said that I didn't think Mueller was a good enough player to completely cripple Germany with his absence. I stand by that statement. That doesn't mean he's not SICK, though. The guy scores goals, but I don't necessarily think that's he true worth, though. Take a look at his assists. He's notching them. The boy is the opposite of selfish. He plays for the team and he loves to attack. The kid's had a break out tournament at the end of a break out year. I wish him nothing bust the best for the future.
Honorable Mentions: Angel di Maria (Argentina) and Andres Iniesta (Spain).
First and foremost, goals. All five of them. Second, soul patch. All one of it. The guy's on a tear, what can I say? He's not my favorite forward in the world, but he deserves to be on this list. His uncanny ability to score is the only reason Spain has slogged its way through to the final. Okay, maybe that's not totally true (PUYOL!), but it certainly feels that way, right? Anyway. Enough about this guy. Whatever.
Honorable Mentions: Asamoah Gyan (Ghana) and Robert Vittek (Slovakia).
The man, the myth, the legend. Forlan is probably my favorite player from this World Cup. He scores goals, he takes set pieces, he never gains an ounce. He's precise, he's creative, he's deadly. He's a leader. He pisses on fear. He poops on doubt. He's absolutely perfect.
Honorable Mentions: Gonzalo Higuain (Argentina) and Keisuke Honda (Japan).
Feel free to regale us all with your differing opinions in the comments section. Have fun being wrong.
-ZGS
I totally agree with your XI.Does that mean we´re both wrong?
ReplyDeleteTarik Here. Awesome XI Zack. I think I agree with you on just about every position.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how Lahm didn't even make an honorable mention at left/right back ESP after your little tirade about right and left back needing to play box to box!!
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