Laughtermath.

I'm sorry I've been away for so long.  I've missed you, too.  No, really.  What?  What are you talking about?  No, I haven't been out drinking.  Oh, this?  No, that's just salsa.  Salsa.  It's not lipstick.  I swear... Look.  No.  No.  Okay, I don't want to talk about this, anymore.  Let's just go to bed.  Jesus.  You're exactly like your mother.  You don't want to sleep?  Fine.  I'm going to go talk about soccer.  ON THE INTERNET.

Spain did it!  Hooray for them!  And hooray for me, for winning all my bracket prediction challenges (1/1, baby)!!  Some other hoorays are in order, but we'll get to them in another post.  This be the recap.

I'd like to think that I was the reason Netherlands lost.  I have a dirty habit of cursing teams when it matters most (as many of my friends have noticed and pointed out), but ultimately, as much as I'd like to try, I just can't take the credit.  So, who's really to blame?

ARJEN ROBBEN!


Dude, what an epic failure.  You fucked up two breakaways.  You hogged the ball.  You dove.  You complained.  You screamed.  You blamed the refs.  Everyone but you and your stupid fucking left foot.  Let's break your shit down, shall we?

Breakaway 1:  You were free in on goal.  You were coming down the center of the pitch, about a yard left of center.  The ball was on your left foot.  Conditions were perfect.  What went wrong?

I've read a lot of "analysis" on this game, most of which credits Casillas with making an excellent save on your shot.  Maybe this is true, but I'm not really inclined to buy into it.  I credit your incredible predictability for the miss.  It was an easy save for Casillas to make because YOU NEVR DO ANYTHING BESIDES STRIKE THE BALL WITH THE INSIDE OF YOUR LEFT FOOT.  The whole world saw what you were going to do.  You never try to dribble the keeper, you never chip, you never toe-poke, you never hit it with the outside of your foot.  You do the same thing every time, and anybody with a limited knowledge of the physics of motion (read:  anybody with eyes) knows there's only so much of an angle the goalie would need to cover to stuff your shot.  All Casillas had to do was come out quickly enough.  You fucked it up, Robben.  I would have finished that chance.  I'm not joking.  I would have buried that shit.

Breakaway 2:  This one was a little more difficult.  Puyol was hanging on your back.  If you'd gone down, he would have been sent off.  But you stayed up for once in your life, and then dribbled right into Casillas.  It was embarrassing.

This time, Casillas planted himself firmly in front of your left foot, completely covering any chance of you shooting.  You looked up, saw him standing there, freaked your geek and took a giant touch to your right side.  It was such a simple matter for Casillas to put his butt between you and the ball, then stoop over and grab it.  Once again, the fact that you're SO predictable was your downfall.  With your PLAN A ruined, you skipped all the way down the alphabet to PLAN XX.  How about a little composure?  How about a fake, a juke?  How about anything but FREAKING THE FUCK OUT?  You're a professional soccer player, for fuck's sake.  Casillas was obviously trying to block off your left, and even eight year olds know to cut the ball in the direction the defender's weight is distributed.  You're an idiot and I'm done with you.

But what about THE GAME AS A WHOLE?!?!?!?


The general consensus is that this game was ugly.  Yeah, I guess.  I'm not sure why, but I really wasn't too bothered by it, honestly.  Could it have been a more flowing game?  Sure.  Of course.  There's rarely a match you couldn't say that about.  Anyway.  It's the World Cup Final, and the simple gravitas of that event would make even the most chippy of games interesting to me.  My egalitarian/cosmopolitan viewing abilities aside, pretty much everyone else in the world (except for Spain) thought this game SUCKED and now be talking all this shit and shit.

Here are some reasons why all dem haterz need to stop runnin' they mouthfs:

1)  There was goal from the run of play.  The game did not go to penalties.  Even though there's an elevated sense of drama that comes from PKs,  just because it's INTERESTING doesn't mean it's GOOD.

2)  There were plenty of missed chances.  Not just ones missed by Robben, either.  Ramos had two free headers, Fabregas had a breakaway, and Villa had a shot cleared off the line.  Two players whiffed the ball on great chances in the box.  There were four or five free kicks on goal.  Basically, it's not like there was a dearth offense.  Shit happened.  It was interesting, at least to me.

3)  The storyline.  Spain has won it's first World Cup.  Netherlands is crushed, once again.  It's not like when Brazil loses and they cry for a second, but then remember they've won five already.  Alves turns to Kaka and says "Hey, buddy.  We'll get 'em next time, big guy."  Then they eat a bunch of fucking steak.

4)  Drama!  The goal came with three minutes to play.  How is that not exciting?

5)  Controversy!  THE REFEREE WAS FUCKING TERRIBLE.  He made so many mistakes and handed out even more cards.  It was CRAZY.

THE REFEREEING WAS FUCKING TERRIBLE!!!!!

WOW.  I mean, when I heard that Howard Webb was reffing the Final, my head about exploded.  This was before the game even began.  He is way too reactionary of a referee.  Always has been, always will be.  There were so many better refs at this summer's tournament.  Viktor Kassai (Hungary) is my pick for who should have gotten the final, but even Michael Hester (New Zealand) had a better showing at the Cup than Webb.  Actually, let me clarify that:  Hester did a great job, but because he's from NZ, there's no way he'd ever get picked.  Sucks to be him.

Webb handed out 13 yellow cards in this game and one red.  Nine of the yellows were given during regular time.  REALLY?

1)  Van Persie (15') - Not warranted.  Just because you go to ground doesn't mean you deserve a card.  He was centimeters (as in less than 10 cm) away from the ball.  It's only a foul.

2)  Puyol (17') - Warranted.  Puyol slid in from behind.  Dangerous.  Yellow.

3)  Van Bommel (22') - Warranted.  Same situation as Puyol.  Yellow.

4)  Ramos (23') - Not warranted.  Slid in to try and get the ball and barely touched Kuyt's toe.  Barely.  Kuyt was already jumping, so of course he fell.  Just a foul.

5)  De Jong (28') - Should have been a red card.  De Jong front-kicked Alonso in the chest.  He should have been sent off.  CRAZY.

6)  Van Bronckhorst (54') - Not warranted.  Ramos ran into GVB and fell over.  GVB was trying to get out of the way.  Total bullshit.

7)  Heitinga (57') - Not warranted.  Heitinga did NOTHING WRONG.  He stayed on his feet, he didn't stick his foot in.  If anything, it looks like Villa ran into Heitinga's plant foot.  Not only that, but Webb waited roughly three hours after the "foul" was committed to produce the card.  RIDICULOUS.

8)  Capdevilla (67') - Warranted.  CapD clipped RVP from behind.  Not really much else to do.  Yellow.

9)  Robben (84') - Not warranted.  Robben was talking back, but this is a WC Final.  Just get play moving again.  Dissent is a terrible thing to card someone for, especially after you decided not to call a foul that was pretty warranted.  STUPID.

10)  Heitinga (109') - Not warranted.  Second yellow, producing a red.  Heitinga did put his arm on Iniesta's shoulder, but Iniesta went down only after he'd taken it back off.  While this MAYBE was a foul (more like a dive, in my opinion), it was SO not a yellow card.  Especially considering that Webb should know he's already on his first (which, to remind you, was also not a yellow card).  This is a RIDICULOUS DECISION.  Just give Spain the free kick in a scoring position and be done with it.  Don't send someone off for some ticky-tack bullshit when you know it's going to be the difference in the WC Final.  FUCKING FUCK.

11)  Van Der Weil (111') - Not warranted.  Another dive by Iniesta.  He drags his foot, barely touches VDW's thigh with his toe, then goes down writhing.  What an asshole.

12)  Mathijsen (117') - Warranted, given the situation.  Dissent.  Yellow.  However, look for a little more analysis of this in a bit.

13)  Iniesta (118') - Warranted.  Taking off his shirt.  Yellow.

14)  Xavi (120') - Warranted.  Time wasting.  Yellow.

At the moment Webb decided he was going to call this game tight, he singlehandedly ruined its flow.  He set a precedent by handing RVP that first yellow, and while he was consistent with said precedent for the rest of the game, he had established his tolerance for fouls FAR TOO LOW, making pretty much everything a cardable offense by default.  The game was more about Webb and his no-nonsense attitude than anything else.  He was determined to make his mark as what he thought was a good referee, not realizing that a good referee is one that is never noticed.  He had too much personality.  He was doomed to fail.

THE GOAL THAT WAS (BUT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN)

I still believe that Spain should have won this game.  They deserved it.  They had more chances, more of the ball and played a more positive style (minus Busquets, Pedro and Iniesta diving EVERYWHERE).  However, I think their goal was some fucking bullshit.

1)  Heitinga should have been on the pitch.

Eliminating a defender from the game severely changed the Netherland's line-up and ability to defend.  If Heitinga wasn't sent off, there's less of a chance Rafael van der Vaart is back on defense, scuffing the ball to Fabregas who in turn slots it to Iniesta.  Plus, if Heitinga was still on the pitch, who knows what direction the game would have taken?  Spain could have scored a legit goal earlier.  Netherlands could have scored six.  The possibilities for what could have happened given a different set of circumstances are endless.

2)  The play that put Spain on the break was the result of a foul.  Two fouls, actually.

At the other end of the field, Eljero Elia spilt two defenders with the ball on the edge of the box, but when he tried to run between them, he was sandwiched and obstructed.  Webb didn't blow his whistle.  How?  I will never be able to tell you.  It was REALLY obvious.  Thanks to Webb's decision, Spain collected the ball (which was still in play) and sent it down field on the counter-attack.  The rest is history.

FINAL THOUGHTS ON THE GAME


Congratulations to Spain.  Congrats to the Netherlands, too.  You both were worthy teams.  Spain, you should have scored earlier.  You were the better side.  Netherlands, you should draw and quarter Arjen Robben.  That is all.

WHAT NEXT?


I'm going to keep this blog up for the next couple of days.  I'm still collecting reports from my friends in Spain, Netherlands and South Africa, plus there's the inevitable Wrap-Up crap that I need to write.  That said, the very last post on Two Worlds, One Cup will go up this Friday.

We're almost done, but we're not quite.  See you soon.

-ZGS