Oh, hey there. It's been a while. Welcome back. Tomorrow, the semi-finals begin. Are you filled with excitement? I know I am. Well, maybe half-filled. I'm an optimist.
First things first, check out this incredible link. No, seriously. I totally stole this from my friend Mike, but I don't care about being unoriginal. Boom.
Ok, now to the nitty gritty.
WHY YOU SHOULD ROOT FOR URUGUAY TOMORROW
1) They're the underdogs.
According to FIFA, Germany, Netherlands and Spain are all in the top ten of the world rankings (6th, 4th and 2nd, respectively). Uruguay is a generous 16th.
2) They're the villains.
Luis Suarez handball. Knocking both the host nation and Ghana out of the tournament. Having long, greazzy hair. Who doesn't like a great plot-twist ending?
3) Diego Fucking Forlan.
He's a phenomenal player. He has 0% body fat. He looks like a barbarian. He naturally smells like Drakkar Noir.
4) Reverse racism.
At the end of the day, do you REALLY want a European team winning the tournament? If the answer to that question is "YES," then guess what? You're a fucking racist.
WHY YOU SHOULD ROOT FOR THE NETHERLANDS TOMORROW
1) They've never won anything.
Okay, technically, it's not true, but it sure as hell FEELS true. The Netherlands last won a tournament (The Euros) back in '88 (you was a ballerina / I got the pictures / I seen ya). While Uruguay last won a tournament in 1950 (their second World Cup title), I can't count how many fucking times I've heard about it on this year's broadcasts. It's so boooooooring.
2) They're in form.
The Dutch haven't lost a match in ten games. And they're not even playing THAT well. Beating Brazil required a step-up in form, but honestly, we haven't seen the best from the Oranje yet. Kind of a scary concept.
3) Wesley Fucking Sneijder
He's a phenomenal player. He has concentration camp cheeks. He looks like he lives in a trailer park. He bleeds truth and justice.
4) Reverse-Reverse-Racism.
Face it: The only reason you'd ever root for Uruguay is because of your white-liberal-guilt. Or, if you're not white, because they're the most "ethnic" team. Whatever your reasoning, you're still a fucking racist.
-ZGS
Uruguay is almost as white as Holland.
ReplyDelete