As the Final approaches on Sunday, it's time for an interview round-up. We'll be hearing from each of our World Cup correspondents ONE LAST TIME in a segment I toyed with calling The Closing Statement, but there are way too many Law & Order shows out there for me to be comfortable with the judicial reference.
I sent each of my blog-helpers the same ten-questionnaire, through which I hope to discover the true essence of World Cup 2010. That, or this is a lazy, literary gimmick.
MAMA BEAR: THE ULTIMATE INTERVIEW
All questions posed via email. Additional commentary in parens.
(Right off the bat, when my mother emailed me back this afternoon, I noticed that she didn't answer all of the questions I sent her. While I'm sure she had her reasons for only responding to half the questionnaire, I'm left with a difficult decision to make: Do I leave the rest of the interview blank, or do I use this as an invitation to prove to the world that I know my mother better than I know myself? I think it's pretty obvious what I had to do. All answers by my actual mother are in regular type. All answers by me Norman Bates-ing it and knowing what my mother WOULD have said are in ITALICS.)
1) The Finals are set. Are you happy?
Yes. I think the Netherlands have been pretty amazing, and I know you're a big Spain fan, so I'm happy for that reason, too.
2) What's the best thing you've Ronaldoed while watching a game?
Emily's dark chocolate brownies. Yum.
3) I've talked a lot on this blog about vampires and other creatures of the night. Who's your vote for best monster at the World Cup?
I've never been a huge fan of monsters, both in books and in movies, so I'll take a cue from you and say that Mexican referee Marco Rodriguez aka Chiqui Dracula is probably my favorite. There's something about him being named after a children's television character that gets me every time.
4) Tell me one thing you've learned about South Africa thanks to this tournament.
I learned that Tshabalala is a really fun name to say.
5) Out of the four remaining captains in the Final and Consolation match, who would win in a fight: Diego Lugano, Giovanni van Bronckhorst, Philip Lahm or Iker Casillas?
Iker Casillas, I guess. If pressed as to why, I couldn't tell you. Maybe because his first name looks like onomatopoeia for the sound a knife makes stabbing?
6) Which team's exit from the tournament made you laugh the most?
You know I don't like to laugh at people.
7) Compare the USMNT's performance in South Africa to dining at a chain restaurant.
I thought a long time about this one, and I finally decided that you could pick any chain restaurant you want. It may be that this is why you posed this question in the first place. The thing is, there's nothing really GREAT at any chain restaurant. Some of it is OK, and if you're hungry, some of it tastes pretty good, but it's not great. The USMNT is pretty tasty, but they're not risotto-with-white-truffles delicious, yet.
8) Which player was the biggest disappointment at the World Cup?
Out of solidarity with you, I'll say Cristiano Ronaldo.
9) Make up a curse word I can shout during the Final on Sunday.
Pshaw. (I didn't make it up, of course. Your great-grandmother used this one from time to time.)
10) We've all learned a lot over the course of the past month. Final question. True or false: Slovenia is a real country.
Very true.
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