The Final Countdown

Oh, hey there.  It's been a while.  Welcome back.  Tomorrow, the semi-finals begin.  Are you filled with excitement?  I know I am.  Well, maybe half-filled.  I'm an optimist.

Day Four Wrap Up.

There is some justice in the world, but not as much as I'd like.  Poopy.

For today's wrap up, I enlisted the help of a GIRL, my grood friend Jess Wdowiarz, who was kind enough to talk with me about soccer through the classiest of mediums: Facebook Chat.  Booyah.  Enjoy.

ICE COLD!

This has been very difficult for me to write, what with my sudden discovery of emotions other than hate/anger.

Spain are actually my favorites to win the tournament, behind The United States, of course.  I guess you could say that my hate for them is tempered by a lot of anxiety, arousal, and hunger.  Hunger for paella.

WHY I HATE YOUR TEAM - SPAIN EDITION

Overlap.

The World Cup is barely two weeks away, and I feel like I'm behind the ball.

So far, I've only told you why I hate 10 of the 31 teams I plan to profile, and with fifteen days to go, I really need to step up my game.  My goal is to avoid sacrificing quality in the interest of meeting a deadline, but I'm really not sure what's going to happen.

Let's find out together.

WHY I HATE YOUR TEAM - SOUTH KOREA EDITION

Brief Interviews with Beautiful Women, Part One.

My parents are coming into town tonight for the Bar Mitzvah of a close family friend's youngest son.  They'll be spending most of their time in Topeka, my old home, but we'll be seeing each other quite a bit.  We'll probably Ronaldo a ton of food, too.

In honor of their return to Kansas, where they lived for almost two decades, I present to you the following, totally topical interview:

Brief Interviews with Beautiful Women - Mama Bear Edition

Interview conducted via email.  Additional commentary in parens.

Second Verse, Same as the First

Let's get one thing straight, world: There is no such thing as ElephanTITIS.

It's Elephantiasis. I don't care how many people choose to pronounce it incorrectly. Spelling is spelling, and I won't hear anything to the contrary.

Why am I so bent out of shape? Because I'm sitting here, trying to think up a series of stupid jokes to tell about the Ivory Coast's soccer team, and a bunch of idiots on the internet can't spell a simple word right.

It's downright distracting.

WHY I HATE YOUR TEAM - IVORY COAST EDITION

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, Part Two.

Bouncing back from my super-self-indulgence in the previous post, I'm moving on to profile another one of our men in the field, Travis! Think of him like our own personal World Cup gossip columnist.

That's our man, off to the right, pictured with some guy you thought was Damarcus Beasley, but only because you're a racist.

Come with me as we discover what makes Travis tick in our second installment of...

Selection Saturday

Remember how awesome Sesame Street was?  I sure do.

I have an incredible amount of respect for Sesame Street.  It taught me about diabetes, about aliens and about Hispanics.  Seriously.  There were no Hispanic people in Prior Lake or Saint Paul, MN.  I would have had no clue they existed, if not for Maria.

All that said, I am totally not above blatantly stealing one of their best bits and using it for my own benefit.