Boom.

AB-SO-LUTE-LY HI-LAR-I-OUS.

-ZGS

Laughtermath.

I'm sorry I've been away for so long.  I've missed you, too.  No, really.  What?  What are you talking about?  No, I haven't been out drinking.  Oh, this?  No, that's just salsa.  Salsa.  It's not lipstick.  I swear... Look.  No.  No.  Okay, I don't want to talk about this, anymore.  Let's just go to bed.  Jesus.  You're exactly like your mother.  You don't want to sleep?  Fine.  I'm going to go talk about soccer.  ON THE INTERNET.

The Final: Live!

My task is simple:  Live-blog the finals.  I'll be doing it in the comments section.  Prepare for greatness.

-ZGS

Coin Flip.

The Final is almost here.  Just a couple hours.  This is supposedly the point where I announce my full and (un)educated support for one of the teams.  I just can't do it.  I'm sorry.  I just can't do it.

I know it makes me an ass, but I'm not going to choose a favorite in the final.  I fully admit that this is about the lamest thing I could do right now, the equivalent of saying "I think everyone involved is a winner!  I just want to see a good game!"  If I were someone besides me reading this, I would think "Jesus, what a DOUCHEbag.  Grow some balls.  Pick a team."

Day Twenty Four Wrap Up.

Oh, Diego.  I already miss your musk.

Ultimate Interviews - Craig C.

We've learned a lot over the past month.

As the Final approaches on Sunday, it's time for an interview round-up.  We'll be hearing from each of our World Cup correspondents ONE LAST TIME in a segment I toyed with calling Land's End, but I'm not that into clothes and shit.

I sent each of my blog-helpers the same ten-questionnaire, through which I hope to discover the true essence of World Cup 2010.  That, or this is a lazy, literary gimmick.

Ultimate Interviews - Jess.

We've learned a lot over the past month.

As the Final approaches on Sunday, it's time for an interview round-up.  We'll be hearing from each of our World Cup correspondents ONE LAST TIME in a segment I toyed with calling Final Jeopardy, but that would mean I'd have to give Jess a prize for playing.  Nobody wants that.

I sent each of my blog-helpers the same ten-questionnaire, through which I hope to discover the true essence of World Cup 2010.  That, or this is a lazy, literary gimmick.

Ultimate Interviews - Alex.

We've learned a lot over the past month.

As the Final approaches on Sunday, it's time for an interview round-up.  We'll be hearing from each of our World Cup correspondents ONE LAST TIME in a segment I toyed with calling Beyond Funderdome, but that really doesn't make any sense, now does it?

I sent each of my blog-helpers the same ten-questionnaire, through which I hope to discover the true essence of World Cup 2010.  That, or this is a lazy, literary gimmick.

Hair Dids - The Final Round-Up.

The World Cup is a stage for some of the most stupid/awesome hairstyles you'll ever see.  In honor of incredible hair everywhere, join me as we explore what each notably coiffured player in this game says to their barber before getting a haircut.

This is my last installation of Hair Dids.  It makes me sad.  I hope it makes you laugh.

HAIR DIDS - VOLUME FINAL

Best Eleven.

Did I mention that the tournament is almost over?  In anticipation of the Final, I will now reveal my picks for the Best Eleven of the tournament.

Slow Dance.

This is too amazing not to steal and post.  Enjoy.

Adopted Countries: Amanda.

I have two friends in Europe this summer.   These two friends just happen to be in med school.  These two friends also happen to be dating.  One of them is summering in Amsterdam and the other is in Valencia.  This couldn't be more perfect.

Adopted Countries: Scott.

I have two friends in Europe this summer.   These two friends just happen to be in med school.  These two friends also happen to be dating.  One of them is summering in Amsterdam and the other is in Valencia.  This couldn't be more perfect.

Ultimate Interviews - Ben.

We've learned a lot over the past month.

As the Final approaches on Sunday, it's time for an interview round-up.  We'll be hearing from each of our World Cup correspondents ONE LAST TIME in a segment I toyed with calling Ender's Game, but at the end of the day, FUCK Orson Scott Card.

I sent each of my blog-helpers the same ten-questionnaire, through which I hope to discover the true essence of World Cup 2010.  That, or this is a lazy, literary gimmick.

Ultimate Interviews - Matt.

We've learned a lot over the past month.

As the Final approaches on Sunday, it's time for an interview round-up.  We'll be hearing from each of our World Cup correspondents ONE LAST TIME in a segment I toyed with calling The End of the Road, but I don't like Boys I Men THAT much.

I sent each of my blog-helpers the same ten-questionnaire, through which I hope to discover the true essence of World Cup 2010.  That, or this is a lazy, literary gimmick.

Believe It Or Not.

In case you didn't know, THIS JUST HAPPENED.  How much stock do I take it Paul's prediction?  Not THAT much.*  It's a small comfort, really.

-ZGS

*A lot, actually.

Ultimate Interviews - Keph.

We've learned a lot over the past month.

As the Final approaches on Sunday, it's time for an interview round-up.  We'll be hearing from each of our World Cup correspondents ONE LAST TIME in a segment I toyed with calling The Final Solution, but that's just WRONG.

I sent each of my blog-helpers the same ten-questionnaire, through which I hope to discover the true essence of World Cup 2010.  That, or this is a lazy, literary gimmick.

The Reign in Spain.

Okay, so I totally stole this from another site, which I try not to do, but it was too good to pass up posting.

Here's what you need to know:  Carlos Puyol scored the game winning goal versus Germany.  Queen Sofia of Spain was in the stadium.  She came to visit the players in the locker room after the game.  Puyol is somehow in a towel before any of his teammates are even halfway undressed.  He is the model of poise.

Glorious.

-ZGS

Ultimate Interviews - Mama Bear.

We've learned a lot over the past month.

As the Final approaches on Sunday, it's time for an interview round-up.  We'll be hearing from each of our World Cup correspondents ONE LAST TIME in a segment I toyed with calling The Closing Statement, but there are way too many Law & Order shows out there for me to be comfortable with the judicial reference.

I sent each of my blog-helpers the same ten-questionnaire, through which I hope to discover the true essence of World Cup 2010.  That, or this is a lazy, literary gimmick.

MAMA BEAR:  THE ULTIMATE INTERVIEW

Ultimate Interviews - Travis.

We've learned a lot over the past month.  As the Final approaches on Sunday, it's time for an interview round-up.  We'll be hearing from each of our World Cup correspondents ONE LAST TIME in a segment I toyed with calling Event Horizon, but I've probably talked enough about Sci-Fi on this blog.  So.  First up?

Gnip Gnop

As you may have noticed, at Two Worlds One Cup, we (read: I) really like Diego Forlan.  You also may be aware that we (read: I) also have a deep and abiding love for the sport of ping pong.  So, imagine our (my) surprise when we (I) stumbled across Forlan's YouTube account and found this video.

Hair Dids - Volume Five.

The World Cup is a stage for some of the most stupid/awesome hairstyles you'll ever see.  In honor of incredible hair everywhere, join me as we explore what each notably coiffured player in this game says to their barber before getting a haircut.

HAIR DIDS - VOLUME FIVE

Day Twenty Three Wrap Up.

A DECISION HAS BEEN MADE!  Or, rather, two decisions were not made.  That's what I call good refereeing.

Marry, Boff, Kill v 3.0

Marry, boff or kill?  In case you don't remember, the game is simple.



Or is it?

If you're a STRAIGHT DUDE or a TOTAL LEZ and you're reading this, you can still play along.  The whole point of MBK is to use your critical thinking skills.  It's ok.  Once again, I promise it's not a Gus Triandos situation.

Day Twenty Two Wrap Up.

I'm tired.  It's almost 2:00 AM.  Here goes:

Hup Holland.  Giovanni van Bronckhorst's goal was incredible.  Forlan's goal was not too bad, either (I don't blame Skeletonburg as much as others seem to).  Van Persie was not offside when Sneijder took his shot.  There is no controversy.  I've never seen Robben score with anything other than his left foot before.  Uruguay made a mistake in subbing off Forlan.  They deserved a second goal.  They've had a great tournament.  The Dutch deserved to win, though.  I wouldn't count Uruguay out for third place, either.

Hair Dids - Volume Four.

The World Cup is a stage for some of the most stupid/awesome hairstyles you'll ever see.  In honor of incredible hair everywhere, join me as we explore what each notably coiffured player in this game says to their barber before getting a haircut.

HAIR DIDS - VOLUME FOUR

The Final Countdown

Oh, hey there.  It's been a while.  Welcome back.  Tomorrow, the semi-finals begin.  Are you filled with excitement?  I know I am.  Well, maybe half-filled.  I'm an optimist.

Hair Dids - Volume Three.

The World Cup is a stage for some of the most stupid/awesome hairstyles you'll ever see.  In honor of incredible hair everywhere, join me as we explore what each notably coiffured player in this game says to their barber before getting a haircut.

HAIR DIDS - VOLUME THREE

Man on the Street - Volumes 5 and 6

Updates, bitches.  Maybe a little late, but still, UPDATES!

Day Twenty One Wrap Up.

The semi-finals have been settled.  Settled like a hot girl with a fat, rich husband.  Settled like the Willamette River Valley.  Settled like the dust.  Settled like Catan.

Day Twenty Wrap Up.

Wow, just wow, wowowowowowowoWOW.  I can't believe my eyes/RSS feed.  Today's games were INSANE.

Oh. No. Puppets.

My brother Alex was kind enough to help me make a terrible video.

I'm so sorry, Alex.

-ZGS

Day Nineteen Wrap Up.

The picture you see to our right is a visual reference for how likely I am to talk about each of the countries that played yesterday.  Is it fair to skew my coverage as such?  Probably not.  Am I going to do it anyway?  You betcha.

The crux of the issue is this:  I'm lazy and you're all just going to have to deal with it.

Man on the Street - Volume 4

Matt sent me another email tonight, the same night in which I beat my brother and my friend Scott in a Ten Tacos Race.  I am inebriated, so I'll post Matt's shit.  Right.  Now.

ENJOY.

Hair Dids - Volume Two.

The World Cup is a stage for some of the most stupid/awesome hairstyles you'll ever see.  In honor of Spain vs Portugal (which is happening RIGHT NOW), join me as we explore what each notably coiffured player in this game says to their barber before getting a haircut.

HAIR DIDS - VOLUME TWO.

Day Eighteen Wrap Up.

Dirk Kuyt clubbing his teammates over the head and carrying them back to his cave aside, is it just me, or are Brazil and The Netherlands the two most boring "dominant," undefeated teams to ever roam the face of the earth?  They make me want to throw up in my mouth!

Marry, Boff, Kill v 2.0

Marry, boff or kill?  In case you don't remember, the game is simple.



Or is it?

If you're a STRAIGHT DUDE or a TOTAL LEZ and you're reading this, you can still play along.  The whole point of MBK is to use your critical thinking skills.  It's ok.  Once again, I promise it's not a Gus Triandos situation.

Day Seventeen Wrap Up.

This is my 100th entry.  I find that to be kind of ridiculous.  Anyway.

Shock!  Controversy!  Fate!  Exclamations!  Feigned interest!

Hair Dids - Volume One.

I'm still upset from yesterday's loss, but I suppose it's time to move on.  In an effort to make myself feel better, I will now ruthlessly mock other people's personal appearances.  I hereby present to you:

HAIR DIDS - VOLUME ONE

The World Cup is a stage for some of the most stupid/awesome hairstyles you'll ever see.  Join me as we explore what each notably coiffured player says to their barber before getting a haircut.

Day Sixteen Wrap Up.

The horror, the horror.  Explore my heart of darkness.  Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Day Fifteen Wrap Up.

The dust has settled on the first round of play.  Here are your second round match-ups:

South Korea vs Uruguay.  USA vs Ghana.  Netherlands vs Paraguay.  Brazil vs Chile.  Argentina vs Mexico.  Germany vs England.  Paraguay vs Japan.  Spain vs Portugal.

Shit is GOING DOWN faster than a FELLATIO REFERENCE.

Man on the Street - Volume 3

I got another email from Travis this morning.  It concerns America and Glory.  Read on, read on.

Fashion! - Groups G and H

Welcome back to the final edition of Fashion!

For the past six Fridays, my Feminine Side and I have gotten together to discuss the uniforms for each team in one of the eight groups at World Cup 2010.  At the end of each discussion, the jersey in question will be scored between 0 and 5 on the Tshabalala Scale.

This week, with the first stage ending, we tackle the final two groups.  Thanks for playing, folks.

Day Fourteen Wrap Up.

Something happened today that makes me very happy.  Read on to find out why.

Respond. React.

Check out this great compilation of reaction shots from yesterday's epic U-S-A victory.

It's AWESOME.

-ZGS

Man on the Street - Volume 2

Our stalwart reporter, Matt, just sent me an email from what I can only assume is Zimbabwe (wherever that is).

MAN ON THE STREET - VOLUME 2

Day Thirteen Wrap Up.

It's all happening now.  As you may or may not have heard, the USA is FUCKING AWESOME.  Ignore the images and listen to the song.  Yes.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!

U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  

Day Twelve Wrap Up.

I have a bit of advice for all the teams that played today.

Day Ten and Eleven Wrap Up.

So, yeah.  I missed a day.  I'm human.  Humans need sleep.  And to finish reading a Haruki Murakami novel.  Don't judge me.

Day Nine Wrap Up.

Hey World Cup teams:  I wrote you some letters!

Day Eight Wrap Up.

I've seen fire and I've seen rain.  I've also seen some absolutely crazy shit today.  Check it out... for real.

Fashion! - Group F

Welcome back to Fashion!

Every Friday, my Feminine Side and I get together and discuss the uniforms for each team in one of the eight groups at World Cup 2010.  At the end of each discussion, the jersey in question will be scored between 0 and 5 on the Tshabalala Scale.

This week, we tackle Group F.

Soccer's Lost Boys

Want to feel depressed?  Want your depression to be topical in reference to Africa and the World Cup?



You're welcome.

-ZGS

Day Seven Wrap Up.

Remember yesterday when I was all complaining and shit?  Well, The Gods responded with 10 goals in one day.  Thanks, The Gods.

Summary: First Cycle of Games

The first cycle of games in the Group Stage has come and gone.  Would you like to talk about my feelings?

Day Six Wrap Up.

I'm a little stunned, given the events of today's games.  I feel a little violated, kind of like that time my SCABA baseball coach kept talking about giving me a massage.  Yuck to the 12th power.

Day Five Wrap Up.

It's a difficult debate:  Do I prefer being right or happy with the results of today's games?

Day Four Wrap Up.

There is some justice in the world, but not as much as I'd like.  Poopy.

For today's wrap up, I enlisted the help of a GIRL, my grood friend Jess Wdowiarz, who was kind enough to talk with me about soccer through the classiest of mediums: Facebook Chat.  Booyah.  Enjoy.

Seems about right.

Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay

All shapes and sizes.

Day Three Wrap Up.

Somebody finally scored some goals.  Too bad I hate their guts.

Day Two Wrap Up.

Oh, we're in it now.  I can only assume that Gooch's shirt is referring to the ethereal, transcendent talent that is Tim Howard.

Day One Wrap Up.

Day one is done. Group A games finished with two ties, one boring and one quite enthralling.