We've learned a lot over the past month.
As the Final approaches on Sunday, it's time for an interview round-up. We'll be hearing from each of our World Cup correspondents ONE LAST TIME in a segment I toyed with calling Final Jeopardy, but that would mean I'd have to give Jess a prize for playing. Nobody wants that.
1) The Finals are set. Are you happy?
Sure, I'm happy. Its Friday. It was a 4 day week. All European final? Sure, why not. Spain vs. Netherlands, no matter where your loyalties lie, is going to be an incredible game.
(I hope you're right. You'd think that, with the two teams involved, there's bound to be a goal or two, but I'm just not sure. Spain have been rather blah, rather plodding this tournament. If it wins them a tournament, I'm sure they won't mind, but I bet they'd RATHER pop in two or three goals.)
2) What's the best thing you've Ronaldoed while watching a game?
I have no idea. I watched all of the games under intense stealth mode at my office. So I guess beer. Lots of beer.
(Beer at the office? Incredible!)
3) I've talked a lot on this blog about vampires and other creatures of the night. Who's your vote for best monster at the World Cup?
That big red Gossomer monster from Looney Tunes. The one that's a big ball of red hair and a pair of converse sneakers.
(Okay, that's a sweet monster, but who is it underneath all that hair? Is that Carlos Puyol? Is that the Hairy Ghost of Ireland coming to haunt the French? Tell me. I must know.)
4) Tell me one thing you've learned about South Africa thanks to this tournament.
I did not know that their president was a polygamist. I also learned a lot from all of my reporter friends who are over there doing media production.
(President Zuma is an interesting character. Did you know that he was black and a president way before Obama was? I could have sworn Obama invented that whole thing. Oh well.)
5) Out of the four remaining captains in the Final and Consolation match, who would win in a fight: Diego Lugano, Giovanni van Broknckhorst, Philip Lahm or Iker Casillas?
Casillas. He's got reflexes like a cat. I imagine him to be pretty scrappy too. That 5-o'clock shadow and scant little mustache of his could put him right at home in a Kentucky trailer park too.
(In my experience, no matter what state the trailer park's in, the accent of the residents is always going to be the same. As a man who loves consistency, I really appreciate that fact.)
6) Which team's exit from the tournament made you laugh the most?
ENGLAND! Of course. Those little poncers were completely impotent! Buahahahaha! Its kinda like the first time that we all heard David Beckham talk... BUAHAHAHAHAHA!
(Watching England lose was quite the enjoyable time. I'm starting to think that they might be #5 on my most hated teams list. Maybe. Just maybe.)
7) Compare the USMNT's performance in South Africa to dining at a chain restaurant.
Ugh. When I go home to KY and I go out to eat, people always tell me that we are going to go eat at the most AMAZING restaurant. In my head I pretend like we are going to eat a delicious, 8-hour, slow cooked, marinated, short rib with homemade barbecue sauce and caramelized onions. In reality, I know that we are going to go to Applebee's for their "pick three for $20".
In my head, I would cheer for the USA and pretend they would surprise us all and win the final. In reality, I knew I was going to Applebee's Pick 3. It is what it is...
(I love Applebee's. To be more precise, I love to eat Applebee's ONCE a YEAR. It's this accessible kind of shitty, marginal cuisine that I can really get behind, albeit annually. Going to Applebees only happens when I want to eat all the kinds of things I know how to cook, but I just don't want to invest the time to make them. And have you ever seen somebody drinking at an Applebee's bar? I once saw a businessman in Alexandria, VA sit alone at the bar in the Applebee's on Route 1 for two hours. I couldn't tell what he was drinking. It may have been the pinnacle of loneliness.)
8) Which player was the biggest disappointment at the World Cup?
I think that Torres has been the biggest disappointment. He has done absolutely balls.
(He really has. That dude sucks right now. I think he can get good again, but at the moment, TORRES IS TERRIBLE. If he had scored that goal Pedro didn't pass to him on, I imagine we would see a rejuvenated Torres in the final. One goal can turn a striker's life around. For serious.)
9) Make up a curse word I can shout during the Final on Sunday.
SCHWEINSTEIGER!!!!
(I just learned this means "Pig Lifter." By just, I mean I learned it LAST NIGHT. For years, I thought it meant "Pig Butcher" or "Pig Stabber," which would be totally fucking sweet. Instead, disappointment reigns supreme.)
10) We've all learned a lot over the course of the past month. Final question. True or false: Slovenia is a real country.
I CAN'T DECIDE!!!! I went to their embassy for embassy day, which looked official enough. I even won a free coffee mug and chapstick with their country tourism slogan on it. Problem was, their displays looked like a posterboard nightmare straight from a Middle School science fair. I DON'T KNOW!
(An honest answer from an honest lady. I would expect nothing less.)
No comments:
Post a Comment